Ahhh, the comforts of life: President Trump is the worst president we have ever had. I like it, I do. The tax-reform bill is the worst bill that has ever wormed its way through Congress. Nancy Pelosi calls it Armageddon. These laments are music to my ears.
Trump recognizes Jerusalem as Israel’s capital. Prepare for the end of the world. This is soothing news. The country and the world are streaking toward hell. So quickly that the handbaskets cannot keep up. I love it.
You see, I love traditions. Like Thanksgiving and Christmas carols. Like Fourth of July parades. And Memorial Day speeches. And Exaggeration. I capitalize that word out of reverence.
We honor the ancient Greeks for their philosophers. And their architecture. We remember the ancient Romans for their empire. I bet centuries from now people will remember the American Dynasty for its exaggeration. We will be known as the all-time Masters of Exaggeration.
Think about it. Folks seventy-years old have suffered through several of the worst presidents ever. Name a president. Then go back and read the criticisms of him when he was in office. That phrase “worst president ever” will pop up for every one.
If I live long enough to have a president who is not the “worst ever” I’ll know it’s time to fall off the twig.
Generations have been whacked with the “worst bills ever written.” And they have witnessed the country going to hell. Let’s face it. We’re always going to hell.
Tradition!
I was in London a few weeks ago when the new budget appeared before Parliament. How did the Brits respond? The critics? They tut-tutted. Had another cuppa and murmured that it was unfair to the working man and women. Said it had its priorities wrong.
Here we introduce a tax reform to Congress. And we get “Welcome to ARMAGEDDON! Old folks will die! Corpses of babes will be stacked like cordwood.”
Do you get my drift? I don’t exaggerate when I say we exaggerate.
How do we deal with climate change? Do we say here’s what we know and here’s what we don’t know? Do we say many scientists say this, but many disagree? Do we say we are probably going to have to make adjustments?
Nah. We scream ARMAGEDDON! The Great Lakes will become the Great Puddles. Rising oceans will engulf Peoria. We must all hold our breath many times a day to cut down on carbon dioxide.
In other countries when university kids have a complaint they complain. Here they swoon. Universities now have special ambulances. To cart snowflakes to emergency safe spots furnished with fainting couches.
Exaggeration – it’s in our blood. Wait. I can do better. “It courses through our veins.” Wait. How about “It explodes within our DNA, damnit!!” That’s more like it.
Do you want more evidence? Other countries stage a championship game. We boast a WORLD Series. British soccer has a division final. Our NFL has THE SUPER BOWL!!
We are a nation of drama queens. Speaking of queens, the Queen hands out medals every year in the UK. With prestigious names like The Order of the Queen’s Corgis. The honorees get to wear wee medallions and ribbons and add initials after their names. We could have our President hand the OTT Awards. For the most Over The Top performances. The medal would be six-inches across with flashing lights.
Meanwhile, you and I could make a few bucks. We could create a website for exaggeration. The equivalent of a Thesaurus for Hyperbole. People would turn to it for assistance with exaggeration. You want to say in your remarks to Rotarians that the city needs to upgrade the water system? Our site – Hyperbole-ocity – would suggest you say “Children will die from pollution!”
I like it. Hyperbole-ocity. Our slogan could be “ARMAGEDDON!” If Nancy Pelosi hasn’t had that copyrighted.
From Tom…as in Morgan.
Find Tom on Facebook. You can write to Tom at tomasinmorgan@yahoo.com.