Decades ago the little-known actress complained to her publicity agent. “But Harry, the Hollywood Gazette claims I had an orgy. With the three Marx Brothers. After the Oscars party. I wasn’t even at the party!”

“So what, sweetheart. It got you onto page one, didn’t it?”

This came to mind when the idiot actor’s idiotic story fell apart. You know, the goof from Chicago. A few weeks ago he claimed two white guys attacked him. At 2 a.m. Strung a noose around his neck. Pummeled him. Splashed bleach on him. Told him “This is MAGA country.” Flung racial and homophobic insults at him.

His story was dumb from the start. Third-graders asked: Who would roam Chicago streets at two in the morning? Frigid Chicago streets. Crime-filled Chicago streets. Armed with a bottle of bleach and a noose? “Hey, bro. Don’t do nuthin’ stooopid here. We see you’ve got a gun and a knife. Hah! We got Clorox! We got a noose!”

Duhhh, Big Media loved the story. Ran with it. Splashed it ‘round the world. To Hollywood stars and politicians it was champagne. They begged their image-consultants to get their mugs before cameras. So they could denounce this hideous hate crime.

A few guys running for the White House jumped on this publicity elevator. They could hardly resist. It was a racial hate crime. And a homophobic crime. And they could tie Donald Trump to it. They could not get much more opportunity. Foaming Maxine Waters led the rabid mob. She instantly accused the president. He incites attacks like these, she railed.

But then…the terrible truth came out. Chicago police charged the actor with lying. With creating a hoax. With paying the dudes who he said attacked him.

The actor had by now milked Big Media for maximum exposure. In television interviews he gushed with sincerity. He brought millions to tears when he breathlessly described how shattered and damaged he was. But it turned out that he was nuthin’ but a sack of lies.

Well, that surely is the end of his career. Really? I see a bright future for this imaginative young man.

This very moment Al Sharpton has probably signed him as a client.

The (ahem) Reverend Sharpton pulled the same crap. Back in the late 80’s. He promoted Tawana Brawley to stardom. With her claims she was raped by four white men. They scrawled racist slurs on her body. And smeared her with feces. And stuffed her into a garbage bag and left her to die, I guess.

Her entire story was as stupid-sounding as the Chicago actor’s.

After 180 witnesses and tons of testimony a grand jury concluded she was full of feces. Her lawyer was suspended. Al Sharpton was fined for defaming an assistant district attorney.

Should have been the end of a despicable career for Sharpton.  Instead, Al Sharpton managed to use Tawana as the first rung on the ladder of his success.

He went on to run for the White House. He got his own national television show. He became a cherished advisor to President Obama. Got invited multiple times to the White House. President Obama sang his praises. Told us that Sharpton is “the voice of the voiceless and a champion for the downtrodden.”

I prefer the description one sociologist had for him: Racial arsonist. Did not matter. Sharpton became an expert in the shake-down profession. He organized boycotts and threatened more. In order to get big companies to buy him off.

He became so successful he finally owed tax collectors $4.5 million.

I advise the full-of-lies actor to take the Reverend’s advice. To emulate him. To learn from this disgusting experience. That is, to learn how to parlay it into a fortune. “Young man,” I would say, “Follow in the steps of Al Sharpton. Make America Gag Again.”

PS: You can buy Tom Morgan’s novel THE LAST COLUMNIST at Amazon. You can watch his plays “Tales From The Empire” at the website www.tomasinmorgan.com. You can write to him at tomasinmorgan@yahoo.com.

From Tom…as in Morgan.

Find Tom on Facebook. You can write to Tom at tomasinmorgan@yahoo.com.