Lord help us if universities like Harvard ever get interested in intersexers and their ilk.

It turns out that Harvard has been creating perfect incoming classes. By turning down Asian-American students who apply. “Perfect” to Harvard is a class with fixed percentages of Asians. And fixed percentages of Whites, Hispanics, Blacks, etcetera. We don’t know who they put in their etcetera category.

Suppose you are brilliant. You are Asian-American. Too bad. On tests you score way above most applicants to get into Harvard. You were top student in your school. You are tops in all the social categories Harvard looks at. You edited the school newsplaper. You raised money for homeless Hondurans.

But you may not get into Harvard. Because the school has already filled its quota for Asians. The place you would have got goes to someone of another category. Maybe to one of the etceteras. Even though that student is nowhere near as smart as you.

You are brilliant. Yet you may have to shop around for a school. Because a lot of schools discriminate this way. They used to do this to blacks, of course. They did it to Jews. Harvard was famous for doing this. And maybe still does it. We don’t know. Because Harvard keeps its discrimination formulas secret.

The Justice Department is looking into this. Some Asian-American groups are suing Harvard over it. Good.  It is a pretty stupid policy.

California bans this type of prejudice by schools. And so some of its tech schools have classes that are 50 percent Asian-Americans. Because those kids did so well on entrance exams. Harvard has classes that are only 20 percent Asian-Americans. No matter how well Asian kids do on entrance exams.

Clearly Harvard and other schools stuff people into racial boxes.  (Senator Elizabeth “Pokahontas” Warren once taught at Harvard. She ticked the box that said she was Native American. She reckoned she was 1/64th Cherokee. That’s about as much as her little toenail. Harvard boasted it had a squaw on its faculty.)

I worry that these schools may latch onto the latest effort to stuff folks into little boxes. Sexual boxes. ‘Tis fashionable lately. You know, LGBTQ. Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Trans and Queer.

In Ontario recently teachers had to attend “inclusiveness training”. To learn about LGGBDTTTIQQAAPP. I’m not kidding. Hey, we get inflation everywhere.

This acronym recognizes a lot of sexual boxes. Are you ready for them?

You’ve got your Lesbians, your Gays, your Genderqueers and those Bisexual folks. Don’t forget your Demisexuals, Transgenders, Transsexuals and Twospirit people.  Then there are your Intersexers your Questioning-ers and Asexuals.  Not to mention your Allies, Pansexuals and Polyamorouses.

By the way if Elizabeth Warren is not sure what sex she is she would be a Twospirit.  Since she is a squaw and uncertain.

Now please don’t think I’m picking on you or her. If you are a Pan or Poly, a Demi or Twospirit I am all for you. Hell, I may be one of you, since I don’t know what some of these names mean. Let’s go for it, guys and gals and etceteras.

Meanwhile I worry. Maybe idiot universities will decide to extend their prejudices. Toward the LGGBDTTT-etc community. They might turn down your kid. Because they have already filled their quota of 2 percent Hispanic Pansexuals.

I worry further.  Because Brown University has announced that students can choose what race they want to be.  They can say they want to be put into the black or Hispanic or whatever racial box. This could catch on.

Brown follows Harvard’s lead in this. Harvard reckoned Elizabeth Warren could call herself 1/64th Cherokee.  Because she or a cousin had high cheekbones. Maybe you have a tiny dark patch of skin on your bum? You could call yourself African-American.  At Brown you don’t even need the brown patch.

Obviously this policy can lead to interesting results. Let us say you are Asian. And you cannot get into a school. You change your color. You become white or an African-American. Voila!

I worry even further. Lately schools have been labelling their loos. Will they decide they need separate facilities for each of the LGGBDTTT-etc crowd?

Suppose they let you change your gender. I can see restroom hallways with 50 doors. If there is a long line in front of the Transgenders toilet you change your sex to get into the short line at Intersexers. Wait! There is no line for the Polyamorouses. Go for it!

Of course you will have to be wary of being seen coming out of the wrong toilet. “Psst.  Didn’t know ol’ Harriett was one of them, did you?”

“Well, I wouldn’t put it past her. Or him. Whatever. Last week she turned Asian to get into a Chinese New Years party. When she couldn’t get a date she became a guy. A Demisexual, actually.”

Did you ever expect life would be so much fun?

       From Tom…as in Morgan.          

       Find Tom on Facebook. You can write to Tom at tomasinmorgan@yahoo.com.