Yawn.

Upstate’s recovery from the Great Recession is the weakeast of any U.S. region.  According to a recent study. You can examine all the nooks of upstate’s economy. Most every one is daubed with lackluster. Papered with anemic. Writ large with blah.

Yawn. 

Upstaters grew accustomed to this long ago. Our motto should be “We’re Number One at being Number Fifty!”

Most of us know what would help revive upstate. Lower taxes would. Fewer regulations would. Fewer mandates from an out-of-touch Albany bureaucracy would. A much slimmer state government would. Because the slimness would suck less money from upstate taxpayers. The slimness would reduce the number of state government fingers in upstate pies.

We tend to lead the nation in taxes and regulations. We lead the nation in making life difficult for businesses large and small. Don’t you wish we could lead the nation in something else?

There is one move that would help upstate. Getting rid of downstate would. 

Yawn.

The idea excites few. Lethargy pervades. (Maybe we lead the nation in lethargy too?) This is because upstaters know downstaters in the legislature would never allow us to split. And downstaters call the shots. 

In other words, the guys who know and care nothing about upstate decide upstate’s fate. A good example of this is that Greens in the Big Apple are major voices in blocking fracking in our Southern Tier. Can you imagine upstaters blocking projects on Staten Island? Upstaters opposed to tree-culling in the Hamptons? C’monnn.

Downstaters really do know nuttin’ about upstate. This is more than a laugh line at a party. Folks in Glen Cove and Oyster Bay really think Jamestown is only in Virginia. Utica really is another country to denizens of Commack. Syracuse and Binghamton are Fuhgettusville to dwellers of Brooklyn.

Oh yeah? Well, vice-versa to you too, buddy! Really. I mean, tell me all you know about the latest problems in Amityville and Islip.

Truth is, we don’t know and we don’t care that we don’t know. We feel so little allegiance to each other.

We New Yorkers have scant connections. We have no state tv or radio network. No statewide newspaper. And upstate doesn’t even get its fair share of the state’s greatest industry: corruption. We don’t get no respect.

Splitting the state in two would work. Surely it would. 

First, we would have less corruption in government. Because no new state could ever compete with the sleaze that oozes up the Hudson to Albany from the City and Long Island. Downstaters are simply too practiced in corruption for us. 

Second, an upstate government would be sensitive to upstate issues and challenges. Its legislators and bureaucrats would more likely know how to locate Canandaigua without GPS. 

Third, a separate upstate might well end up with two political parties. As now composed, New York State has one. Two parties, competing ideas? Hey, it might work!

This column goes to some heavies in the Big Apple. At this point I could write that they are all slobs. None of them would respond. Because none of them will have read this far. As soon as they saw the word “upstate” they fell asleep.

A prime minister of Canada once mused that living in the attic of the U.S. was like sleeping with an elephant. The big fellow kept the bed warm, but when he rolled over…

This is the predicament of upstaters. If we all voted the same way and organized and outright demanded…. Oh, forget about it. Yawnsville. It would never work. We have met puny and he is us. Even in the corruption business. We could all contribute to raise a mountain of money to buy off the downstate legislators and governor. Yeah, but it would flop. Those birds are too accustomed to the big bribes. They would laugh at our paltry efforts. Not that they wouldn’t take the money.

From Tom…as in Morgan.Find Tom on Facebook. You can write to Tom at tomasinmorgan@yahoo.com.

PS: You can buy my new novel on Amazon. THE LAST COLUMNIST.