We need this guy today. To fit us with clear lenses.

He appeared years ago. When I sold my car. I ran an ad in the classifieds. Extolled the car’s virtues no end. Described it as a dream of a vehicle. Virtually unblemished. Virginal. Perfection.

He brought me down to earth. “Hey, mate. Yer car’s eight years old. It’s got 120,000 miles. Stop pretending you’re The Great Pretender. Car’s worth this much. Take it or leave it.” I took it.

Pretending is a national pastime with us. Don’t pretend otherwise. For instance, lately we have been asked to pretend our spies don’t lie. The heads of our intelligence agencies have all been caught lying to Congress and the public. Over the Clinton email mess. Over the various Trump messes.

FBI Director Comey lied about his leaking of his memos. He pretended his leak was not a leak. That is pretty dumb. But it is beside the point. The point is that he lied.

We are supposed to be outraged. Over the fact that these birds all lied about these things. Outraged? Who are we kidding? We hired them to lie.

Decades ago a major CIA spook was caught lying to Congress. His defense was simple. He took an oath to protect CIA secrets. For the good of the nation. He could break his oath or lie to Congress. He chose to lie. (What would you do? Congress could embarrass him. The CIA could rub him out.)

First question on job application to head up a spy agency:

Do you know how to lie? Let us not lie about this. Or pretend. To be a spy you gotta lie. If you don’t know how to lie, apply for another job. Don’t apply for Lois Lerner’s job at the IRS. Don’t apply at the Veterans Administration. And forget about being a politician. Your best chance is with the Boy Scouts. Trust me. Would I lie?

We are asked to pretend the guys who play big-time college sports are amateurs. They are also serious students. That takes a lot of pretending. When many of them cannot spell the name of their college, it does.

We are asked to pretend the Paris climate accords would affect our climate. Bureaucrats – not scientists – wrote the accords. They wrote mostly meaningless blah.

We were asked to pretend the Iran nuclear agreement was working. It clearly was not. We granted Iranians many billions to behave. We were supposed to pretend they were not using the billions we granted them to fund terrorism. They were.

We were supposed to pretend Iran is just kidding about destroying Israel. Pretend the missiles it mounted in Syria, near Israel, were just there for show.

We are supposed to pretend this was a treaty. No one dared to bring it to Congress. It was not a treaty. It was a gentlemen’s agreement. Pretend, pretend.

We are asked to pretend that taxes and regulations do not affect behavior. Millions of people have moved from high-tax states to low-tax states. Thousands of businesses have too. They must have moved for other reasons. Could not possibly be taxes that inspired them to move. Pretend.

We are supposed to pretend that building a wall on our border will serve no purpose. Will not stop illegals from

pouring into the U.S. Pretend, pretend. Why on earth would Mexico protest so strongly? Why? Because they fear graffiti on it? Because it will block Mexicans views? Cmonnn. There can be only one reason. But let us pretend that is not the reason.

The truth is that Mexico’s economy depends upon money illegals send back from the U.S. Depends upon it. A recent estimate has maybe 22 million illegals here. Their money props up the Mexican economy. Period. We are asked to pretend otherwise.

Lastly, we are asked to pretend money does not buy politicians. Companies and special interests don’t bribe, influence, pressure pols one way or another with moolah.

If you pretend such, I have a 120,000 mile virgin to sell you.

Someone is probably going to pretend the last sentence is sexist and misogynist. Let ‘em have at it.

From Tom…as in Morgan.

Find Tom on Facebook. You can write to Tom at tomasinmorgan@yahoo.com.